A Soggy-Bottom Fate.

The damp lines hug the contours of my backside, rising and falling in perfect synchronicity with the topography of my body. It’s as if I’ve hired a moisture tailor to hand-craft a form-fitting brassier for my asseous A-cups. I wonder what the kids that I pass on the street think of it. Right at their eye level, two wet handprints clutching my bum for dear life, the fingers curled with a suggestion such innocent minds can’t quite grasp. Or what the mothers sitting outside of the kid’s classes I teach think. Irresponsible. For me, this has become an ordinary part of my everyday life. The bathrooms in Japan, or at least the ones in the establishments I tend to frequent, have no hand towels and as a result I simply do what I’ve been doing since I was old enough to wear pants; shake, wipe, repeat if necessary. Naturally this prompts the question, do Japanese people suffer the same soggy-bottom fate as well? Of course they don’t. They take advantage of the system that’s in place. Unfortunately for me, it’s a system I’ll never get used to.

They’re most often found at the exits to train stations and department stores, islands in the steady stream of people, though never fully static. Three steps north, a side-step, two back south, and wait. Calculating, profiling, judging body language and speed of their targets. Perpetually asking themselves, “will this person accept the package I thrust upon him?” They are the solicitors, handing out, right from the corporate mouth, advertisement stuffed tissue packets. They’ll distribute material ranging anywhere from borderline-pornographic manga and feminine products to gym memberships and language schools. However, having dealt with so many dishonestly prickish solicitors in South America, (“oh yes very good price, hotel nice, cheap”) my natural reaction when being approached is to brush them off and put my head down looking like I have someplace important to be. So until I wise up and start accepting these dehydrating godsends, I’ll just have to learn to deal with a sodden seat. Here are some pics of the latest culinary undertakings; sashimi and salmon cakes with wasabi yogurt sauce.